What is a normal wedding?
by iniyaal
I have been listening to many advices, suggestions, discussions on this topic for long. I am eager to hear opinions from the cyber world too. Think of Shakespeare’s works or Jane Austen or Louisa May Alcott’s classics or Rama – Sita or Krishna - Rukmini. Falling in love and accepting each other’s love is the start of a couple’s journey together. After this comes a “Wedding”, to proclaim their love to family and friends.
In an ideal world, people first fall in love, accept each other’s love and then proclaim it to the outside world. Of course, no doubt that for majority of us in the sub-continent it happens the other way round 
But regardless of the order, a couple who have experienced these three are truly blessed. What do u say?
Now coming to “Weddings”, who should the couple proclaim their love to? Obviously to those whom they know and interact in everyday life and those who care for them. The bride’s great grand father’s brothers and sisters whom she last saw 8 years back, obviously, do not belong to this category. Neither do the groom’s dad’s third cousin who is considered important in family circles. Inviting hundreds of such people, booking a biggg mandap, hiring interior decorators to make it glitter,… debating and discussing on the menu for these many guests… phew! Why do we call such extravagant affairs as the perfect Indian wedding?
To add to this, decking the bride in heavy silk and matching make up. I have always thought all the heavy makeup, accessories, glitter are for actress and dancers, not for a holy union. How are the groom’s relatives supposed to recognise the bride after the wedding, if they dont even know how she looks in everyday life Not sure how comfortable the bride is when she is decked up like a doll in glittering silk, jewellery on her head, ears, nose, arms, wrists, hips, ankles and foot.
Last on my ranting list is the gold and diamond wedding jewellery. We easily buy 40 to 100 sovereigns of gold for typical Indian weddings. After reading about the perils of gold mining and how destructive excessive mining is, should we not re-think on buying so much gold? Especially when we have no necessity for all the gold that we Indians buy.
Well.. well.. it does not stop here. A recent wedding in the family had prop sets for interiors, cameras on cranes to get full coverage etc. They could have cut costs by hiring a movie prop set at AVM studios (Chennai, Kodambakkam), than to re-create the same effect in a wedding mandap
A normal wedding that I have always dreamt of will be a small one attended by 30 people (immediate family and close friends). Followed by a lunch for the extended family (about 30 to 50 members) with traditional fares and home cooked food. It can be an outdoor lunch or dinner with groups of round seating arrangements and flowery decor.
Bride and groom can go around during lunch introducing each other to their extended family. They can leisurely soak in the bliss of seeing two sets of extended families become relatives by your union. And doing all this in an elegant comfotable attire without the glare of camera lightings. Everyone would be busy talking of their family, of the couple etc and not about the newly wedded couple’s make-up or jewels or matching attire. .. sigh… This would be the perfect wedding
There might be readers who think I am insane.. but I also hope there are many readers who might agree with me. I am sure this kind of simple weddings are the norm in many societies. For the rest of us, it is time to re-think on the concept of weddings. Focus should be cherishing and enjoying without losing focus on the main purpose of a wedding. To keep it short, how about changing the extravagant Indian weddings to minimalist, simple and emotional ones?
If your wedding was a simple or unique affair, please share it with me. It would give me so much of strength and inspiration to go ahead with my plans for a simple wedding.
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I can totally understand your point of view.When my marriage was arranged ,i begged to have it in our colony’s vinayagar temple,my mother was almost in tears when she heard that statement..
Anyways,conducting a lavish wedding has become a status symbol in Indian society,to show what the family is capable of in spending and sometimes parents go beyond their means too,which is really sad…
What my agony is – the bride and the groom has very little (sometimes absolutely “no” ) control in how their marriage has to be conducted …that is the case for almost 90% of the weddings in India…
But as you said some may like to have a big wedding which is totally fine as long as you want one…but i really wish there could be
an other option for those who don’t like to have a big wedding…
Honestly, i could not convince my parents,so i wish you Good Luck !!
oops..congratulations ..I am sorry i should have congratulated you first…..
Thank you
Very true… it will be nice if the bride and groom can decide how they want their wedding to be. Thanks for the good luck.. I need lots of it now :p
congratulations S….thats wonderful news…most of the time, we never have control over our wedding rituals and ceremonies….I am not in for lavish weddings but my thgt dint go well with my family and my hubz..:)..they talk about the so called compromises even to this day..lol…(inspite of spending through our nose, we fell short of their expectations..:P)
one major thing which irked me was all the disposed plastic glasses. I wish i could have done something about that. luckily our food is served on banana leaves so it was ok…a friend got married and her guests were served in disposable plastic and styrofoam plates..and then all the stuff bought for ceremonies were in loads and loads of polythene bags…in my wedding and other i have been to..i fought my life out to stop that…i could only minimize it….having said that..i think we cannot be too specific all the time…just giving it a try matters i guess
Yes Sudha… excessive use of plastic and styrofoam products in weddings is on the increase now. I will definitely make it a top priority to reduce or prevent its usage at my wedding
Thanks for the thoughtful suggestions.
My parents and in-laws are more receptive now than when we started talking of a minimalistic wedding.Hopfully it will improve and we will have a more amicable solution
Mine was my favorite day of all time. In the mountains surrounded by family and friends that I love. It was small by Indian standards – 165. I wore my mother’s wedding dress and danced to my favorite songs. I’d do it all over again tomorrow.
That post made me laugh out loud.
Im not a fan of fancy big weddings… though I have been involved in a very big one for my family member.
Brought up in a joint family means a lot of kids… so whenever we use to get invited for any event, it would be a hungama in our house to get ready, go together, eat tasty food and desserts, and come back… with pot bellies full…. and laugh about how funny everyone looked with oodles of make up, jewelery and weird attitude.